my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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