bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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