dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
