Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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