We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
