its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize