absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize