i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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