I think I just saw someone hide a body.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
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WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
