just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
