YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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