she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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