I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
