Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
