I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
