Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
