Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
