I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
