Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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