In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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