This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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