Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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