we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
