As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
