I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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