I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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