Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
