Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize