Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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