The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
