they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
