anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
