She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
