Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
