just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
