Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize