There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
