If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize