dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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