White coat. Heels.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
