Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
