Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
