Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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