Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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