just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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