So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
