On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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