I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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