I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
