Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
