I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize