He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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