my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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