you didnt know i had herpes?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
