sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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