I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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