There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
