i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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