there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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