everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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