WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
